Last sunday we were going to sleep in(the shift meets on sunday nights). Around 8am April wakes me up and says that there is a problem. She is pregnant and is not supposed to be bleeding in that way.( I know that this is personal but I want you to understand) We go to the hospital here in Albany and after a sereies of events and tests we know that she had miscarried. We make arrangements for Mandi to keep Rae and I call Brad(the other pastor of the shift) and tell him that I will not be preaching tonight, and we begin to drive south on I5. Our converstions are emotional and our mood is different every minute. We ask each other not why, but what is God saying to us in all of this? I ask if I have put my family through too much in the last few months? We wonder aloud if our baby ever had a soul or if God in his infinite wisdom never sent that part knowing the outcome? What was his plan in all of this and what lesson was there to be gained in all of this? These questions and a lot more were the topics for 24 hours of driving through the Cascade Mountains of Oregon. We stopped and spent the night at the base of crater lake and rested. The next day we drove and talked some more. I am not sure that we figured it all out. I do know that God spoke to April and I. One thing that we learned is that our child will never have to experience a bad day or a broken heart. This child will never be made fun of or be disappointed. This child will always be in the presence of the one and only father of the universe, not a frustrated short tempered church palnter for a dad. This child is and will always be better off than us. Another thing that God is showing us is the value of His grace. Grace is what saves us, covers us, and sustaines us. The message of grace is the driving force that brought us out here and will always give us something to be doing. Also it is by God’s grace that we will get through this time of loss and trial. It is impossible to write all that God has been saying and all that we have been pondering. I do know that this time has been difficult. I think that it is even harder when you are away from family and friends. Brad and his wife have been great, they have been through this a couple of times. The last thing that I know we have decided in all of this is that April is not going to work anymore. We feel that this event has further shown us the how short this life is. We want Rae to be with mom all day and we both want to have more children that are brought up with mom at home. I ask you to pray for us, we need to replace over half of our income and medical insurance by December. We do not know how this will happen. We are going to trust that God will show us. The question is not why, but what is God doing to glorify himself?